Lavish beaver lodge found

Ike Clemens, a local river rat, discovered what appeared to be an exquisitely built beaver home in the middle of the Mississippi River Monday.

Clemens declared to reporters that he "ain't never seen the like." 

"I's a-walkin' along yonder when all a-sudden [pause, dumb look], they's a house right there!" he announced in a grammatical train wreck.

According to Clemens, the unoccupied home was not built by regular beavers, but by invisible super beavers who work for the government.

"T'other way for how you can explain to?" he asked/said.