Monday, August 06, 2007

Hardee's Chronicles, Part IV


My job at Hardee's was at the counter. I never worked the kill floor, or whatever it was they did back there. In those days it was rare to have a guy take your order, so just standing behind a cash register opened up a whole can of stigma.

One day the door swung open and a bunch of tough guys walked in. They looked like beat-up cinder blocks in flannel who just got back from a grease monkey fight, sponsored by oil.

One of the men, who I'm pretty sure had one eye, came up to my till. I just stood there in my cute little outfit, wondering how many seconds were left before the murdering started. I thought, There's nothing to defend myself with except meat. I suppose I could threaten him with high cholesterol but he'll probably order some anyway.

Then, in a crackly rumble that stopped the clock, he said, "Hey, aren't you supposed to be a girl?"

I'm not kidding.

4 comments:

LC said...

I don't know what to say. The ending left me scratching my head. But, as for self-dense, I might have an idea...in case you work in Hardee's again some day. Just like Scooby Doo...if they start coming after you, throw up some obstacles. In potentially dangerous cases where the counter isn't enough protection, dump fry grease on the floor (between you and the threat) and run. Meat might also work.

John's Brain said...

That's a good idea, I wish you'd been there 18 years ago, as I usually never thought in terms of what cartoons would do. But Shaggy was always on the right track. Distract, eat, and then run.

LC said...

Right...distract, eat, and then run. Since guns weren't cool in kids shows in the 80's, we learned more practical self-defense tricks. Try the Scooby-doo thing. Throw a banana peel on the floor, or a greesy hamburger patty. Or take a cue from another show. Let the guy chase you until you take a quick detour and he keeps running right off a cliff. Or, give him a large "milkshake" that is disguishing a stick of dynamite. Maybe you could volunteer to mentor a young Hardee's employee in your town.

John's Brain said...

Excellent. It's like a public service announcement. Have a cartoon character mentor your Hardees employee today.